Let us pursue another dumb idea that turned into a good idea. As we’ve casually mentioned for the past few months, we’ve been working on a new (occasional) show, GOD BLESS THE RING, an exploration of the history, lore, and gameplay of classic beat ’em ups and fighting games. We brought in a third host…

DRINK? This time we’re revisiting Dr. Kadowaki, avoiding Selphie, constructing artifice, no-selling the disciplinary committee, chatting up a lunch lady, living alone in a multi-student dorm, questioning the necessity of T-Rexaurs in captivity, reading an Occult Magazine, junctioning magic, observing the world map, and taking down Ifrit. You could win a free Toyota Echo (not…

I love battles. I fear nothing. On this god forsaken installment we’re playing cards with groupies, assembling protagonists, channeling shōnen energy, swallowing Cid’s propaganda, developing a gunblade fetish, stating chicken wuss etymology, being antisocial for test scores, storming a beach, incapacitating soldiers, idling around a fountain, and delivering the best line of the game. Ok…

I’m gonna tell you ‘bout my Romantic Dream. It involves reassigning Squall’s inspiration, falling down a hill, assuming chicken-wuss, meeting Biggs and Wedge, discussing Guardian Force ethics, slaying Elvoret, uncovering GF compatibility, both killing and evading the X-ATM092, learning to run, dropping out of focus, humiliating Zell’s mom, and wondering why Balamb exists. God took…

SeeD is not a non-profit organization. This time we’re appreciating the world map map, realizing the invasion was all for cash flow, shaming Seifer, interrupting Cid’s exposition, receiving our SeeD rank, hearing GF rumors, wearing dumb formal clothing, being a dick at a party, dancing as a means of subterfuge, witnessing Quistis’ complete meltdown, meeting…

Blow it out your ass. Before that we’re suffering through a zealous Zell, receiving our first SeeD mission, reading a weapons book, meeting Mr. Paper Test Boy, riding a hoverboard, exploring Diablos’ core, meeting the Big Bad Rascal, losing a card on purpose, riding in a private train car, remotely viewing the past, becoming The…

I dreamt I was a moron. After waking up, we’re drinking in a hotel bar, approaching a pianist, cramping up like a fucking loser, hearing about it from the boys, living a dream in a nightmare, suffering anxiety-based paralysis, blabbering to my crush, waking up on a train, getting hit by another train, entering the…

This is a super interesting time in dialogue box history. Today we’re squatting it out, calling a president president, playing with toy trains, indulging a ludicrous plan, speaking with a dummy, leaping over train cars, inputting codes, performing enhanced interrogation techniques, reading Anarchist Monthly, melting into a zombie, wondering what just happened, reciting contract terms,…

We’re not the fools, you are. This time we’re buying pet supplies, killing soldiers in public streets, realizing everybody in Timber is in on it, trading human lives for AP, retrieving pornography, reading the battle series, listening to adults ramble, getting scammed by children, dumping my sister fifteen times, assisting an unhoused man, watching state…